my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
