At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
