you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
