I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
