do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
