Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
