dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
