my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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