THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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