I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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