That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
