Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
