Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
