i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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