You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
