I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need a beard to bite.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
