i just had sex bonerless
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
