Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
