I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
