apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
please come you make the beer taste better
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
