I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
