she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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