Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
