You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
