pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
