my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
