I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
