8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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