cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
