Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
