New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
