his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
