When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
