Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
