are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
