Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
