i don't like sucking hair
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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