how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The air taste purple.
Randomize
