i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
