i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
