It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
