Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just google imaged poop.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
