just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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