i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I could have mohawked her pubes.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
