you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
