He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
