Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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