and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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