oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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