6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
