girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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