you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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