I think I died a long time ago.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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