So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
