Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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