the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
