i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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