While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
