I accidentally had phone sex last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
